Hey ! This has potential, your characters seem cool, I'd be happy to see where the story is going :) I just have a few questions/remarks : at some point, you go from "you" to "I", and from present tense to past tense. Was it intentional ? Also, I love the poetic style of the descriptions, but I feel it is sometimes damaged by repetitions of a word from a sentence to another (whisper, echo, groan, weave...) Maybe it's a choice, and a matter of personal taste (I may be the only one bothered by this, if so, apologies) but just in case it's inattention, I thought I'd signal it. I write too, and it's stuff I do sometimes, that's why it caught my eye ^^ Again, I like where this is headed ! And I'm sorry if my comment comes of as rude or harsh, it's not the intention ! I love reading people's stories, and I want to read the rest of yours ! I just wanted to help a bit by sharing some things that stroke me as odd Have a good day !
That’s not rude at all, thank you so much for the feedback it’s really appreciated! I’ll definetely make use of this and hopefully make it better. This is my first time writing a story like this and I’ll try to change it up a bit. Thank you so much!<3
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The game is short but has potential. I'm curious to know how the MC got into such a terrible situation.
Hey ! This has potential, your characters seem cool, I'd be happy to see where the story is going :)
I just have a few questions/remarks : at some point, you go from "you" to "I", and from present tense to past tense. Was it intentional ?
Also, I love the poetic style of the descriptions, but I feel it is sometimes damaged by repetitions of a word from a sentence to another (whisper, echo, groan, weave...) Maybe it's a choice, and a matter of personal taste (I may be the only one bothered by this, if so, apologies) but just in case it's inattention, I thought I'd signal it. I write too, and it's stuff I do sometimes, that's why it caught my eye ^^
Again, I like where this is headed ! And I'm sorry if my comment comes of as rude or harsh, it's not the intention ! I love reading people's stories, and I want to read the rest of yours !
I just wanted to help a bit by sharing some things that stroke me as odd
Have a good day !
That’s not rude at all, thank you so much for the feedback it’s really appreciated! I’ll definetely make use of this and hopefully make it better. This is my first time writing a story like this and I’ll try to change it up a bit. Thank you so much!<3
Well ewww to that dude calling MC his. Also Hruk's quote made me really laugh. This was a very nice start! 😇
LOL, who knows maybe you won’t mind being his;)
I’m glad you enjoyed it!,Im busy with chapter 1 will hopefully release it before November ends<3
Can't wait for more